The First Date

I had a date yesterday. 
The dating thing is a really weird part of our culture.  It's full of these expectations of something happening, but you're not sure what.  The spark?  A fun time?  A quick lay?  I have been working hard at not placing these expectations, or any expectations, on people or situations.  It is all part of this thing where I want to get out of my head.  On my date, I succeeded. 
The date consisted of going to the beach followed by dinner.  The beach was her idea and I gave her a lot of credit for originality.  I can't say that I have been on a first date where the majority of the time was spent half naked....well at least not at the start of the date.  It created this kind of vulnerability.  There wasn't much to hide because we didn't have anything to hide behind.  She didn't have makeup to hide her real face.  I didn't have a "date" shirt to accentuate anything.  It was all out there.  It was good.  It was refreshing. 
We talked easily.  Conversation flowed and we laughed.  She touched my arm.  This initial physical contact is a big thing, a sign that the date is going well.  This light, friendly atmosphere carried into dinner. 
I liked her.  She was fun and honest and a bit wild.  She was also really cute.  Beautiful blue eyes and sandy brown hair, a petite body.  I can't say there was a massive spark, but it was fun.  We shook hands to start the date, we hugged to end it. 
I left feeling good.  I left wanting to see her again.  I left planning what the next date could be. 

There seems to be a rule that a guy should sent an message or a call saying that it was fun and blah blah blah the next day.  I did that and it was easy to do.  I did have fun. 
Apparently, she did not have as much fun as I had.  An email message came in tonight.  It was honest.  It was straight forward.  It set down that she had fun, but she didn't have the spark.  She wants the spark.  She wants a husband. 
Disappointed.  I am disappointed.  But, I am okay.  It is amazing how that straightforward honest communication really lifts a burden of not knowing. 
The thing that kills me about dating is the not knowing.  When the new girl seemed to refuse to tell me what was going on in her head, it made me want to pull my hair out.  The rejection sucks.  Believe me, I am totally bummed this woman wasn't interested.  What would have been worse would have been if she hadn't told me.  I know.  I can deal with that.  I am a bit down about it, but I know what I am dealing with and I can handle those emotions.  Tomorrow may be different.  I may get a bit depressed about it.  I think rejection comes with a handful of insecurity to digest as well.  It does seem that right now, I am meeting women pretty regularly.  I can't help but know that someone else will come along and that may work or it may not.  By enjoying the moment and not setting expectations on an unsure future with a person I am able to just be where I am and experience it as it is happening.  The beach was fun.  Dinner was good.  It sucks that it didn't pan out into anything else, but for those few hours I had a good time with a beautiful woman. 

It was good. 
I hope to have more times like that.  I hope that I can hold on to this living for each breath instead of trying to predict what I will be doing next week or month with some person.  Placing an idea of what you wish would happen is a rash thing to do when it comes to people.  Other people are unpredictable to everyone but them. 
This is a tough balancing act.  You can't just ignore those red flags or forget what you know, but you don't have to dwell in them either.  If you feel something, feel it.  It's one of those things that makes us human. 

I think I will have some more first dates. 
I think I will meet some more interesting women.
I think I will enjoy every moment of it.