It has been quite some time since I have written here. That is good because I tend to write here when I am in a quandary. Lack of posts means lack of quandaries. It means that I am generally happy and am not confused at the moment.
So, I will post this little tidbit since it is swimming in my mind.
I have a tendency to see a beautiful woman and then want her.
I know, strange behavior for a man.
My issue is that this draw can seem almost overwhelming and I will feel guilty for that lust. And lust is what it is. The guilt is present because I love my girlfriend and she is really pretty kick ass. I would never want to hurt her and to be honest, I don't act on my feelings for random hot chicks. I just look and wonder what they might look like naked. I feel badly when I will think about that woman beyond just the initial first glance. I worry that I would act if that woman were to approach me and initiate something.
It has happened before.
It wasn't a good thing.
It makes me wonder about my will power and my drive towards the pull of lust. Then I remember that all of that stuff is Ego stepping in. Ego is that voice telling you that you want more. Ego is the force that pushes you in the direction of harmful action. Ego is telling me that I want to fuck this chick or that regardless of who might get hurt. It wants me to have more and more and more.
Ego is a dick.
I suppose this recognition is a really good thing and that the the learning experience is the presentation of these women. Ego is the reason that I place so much value in the attention of women and in the acquisition of them physically.
Now that I have recognized it, I need to let it go. That is a challenge.
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