Relationship With Fear

This anxiety tears me up and I don't know where exactly it is coming from.  I can't point at it and say, "there it is.  Fuck off anxiety.  Fuck off fear."  It is more like a direction that I can see, but can't get to.  I don't trust like I used to and this is driving me up a wall, or into one depending on how bad it is.  My gut instinct is to trust first, question later.  Now there is a duality to my trust.  Part of me is open, the other is closed.  It is like a battle going on in my head all the time.
Obviously, this has to do with a woman because that is the part of my life that is always having problems.  God, I hate that.  It's kind of sad.

I spent a weekend away from her.  My mind goes to town.  I begin to create situations.  The situations become bigger and bigger.  There are pretend arguments and discussions and me telling her off for the things she did in my pretend situations.  How fucked up is this?  I make myself crazy!!  Maybe I am.  I don't know.  What I do know is that I am not handling this very well.  I just don't know what to do.  I feel very lost at the moment. 
I don't want to be a person who is controlling and jealous and codependent.  I don't want to feel like I have to see her to know what she is doing.  I don't want to make this stuff up in my head.  I don't want to see her and have to stuff all of these thoughts down so she can't see them.  I also don't want to talk about them so that she sees how fucked up I am.
I want to be a man.  I want to be strong.  I want to be able to be in a relationship with someone and feel secure.  I don't feel secure.  I have thought that maybe I should end it with her, but what does that solve.  I am still here.  I am the source of all of this shit.  Leaving her still leaves me with me.  Frustration is a mild word for this.

So, what do I do?

I have to talk to her.  I don't know what the other choice is.  To not talk would be to give in to fear and to avoid conflict.  That solves nothing.  I need to face the fear and the anxiety and make friends with it.  I need to give it a nice dinner, a good night out and then send it on its way.  I need to break up with it.  My relationship with it is over.
This is going to be a hard break up.  If I were to guess, I would say it will be one of those relationships where we get back together and break up again and again.
I need to live right now.  No expectations.  I need to stop expecting bad things, especially.  I also need to stop wanting and just start doing.

This sucks, but hopefully I will actually learn something from it.

“Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry—all forms of fear— are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”

—	Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now