On those mornings when I wake up and he is there, whispering to me bits of advice or hints of insight into the workings of others who are out to get me, I can choose to listen and accept. If I choose this path, I feel strong because I am able to know what others are thinking. I am able to protect myself from the evil inclinations of everyone around me. I have myself to protect myself and I can cut the rest of the world off so that they can't get to me. Then I begin to feel alone. I lose myself in the swirl of thoughts that run a rampant circle around my mind. The sky goes dark, the storm opens up and I am buried. Depression is my name.
Days will pass until I can see a hint of something good. Then I struggle to drag myself out of the hole that I am buried in. I will spend the next few days just trying to feel happy again, only to wake one morning to the same choice.
I choose not to blindly accept the rantings of that mad man, I know that I will have a struggle that day, but it will be a struggle for something great. Because I had chosen to listen to that voice for so long, his words are powerful and shake my foundling foundation with reverberating negativity. The clouds threaten outside my windows, but I am safely inside. The louder claps of thunder scare me as they shake the walls, threatening the integrity. But I am safely inside. When a leak starts, I plug the hole. If the wind blows open a door, I close it. Then I sit and breathe and wait out the storm. By not succumbing to the negativity of the storm, I learn from it. I learn what needs to be tied down and secured and what will cause the house to shake the hardest. I learn what I need to do to keep that storm at bay. I learn to live right Now.
I choose this path today.
I have grown tired of feeling the anxiety and depression that comes around once a week, it seems, and tries to get in. I choose to stop creating problems that do not exist. I choose to be positive and unaffected by the rantings of a subliminal mad man. If I am being honest, I know that I will hear his voice. I can either listen and believe or not.
I have read that it is best to stay positive when this kind of thing happens. Don't ignore it, make friends with it. Laugh when the voice tells you all is doomed and you don't deserve to be happy. We are not the voice in our heads.
I know that today will be a struggle for me. I will have to try to stay above the water and keep positive and smiling. Today, my smile will be the source of my joy so that tomorrow my joy can be the source of my smile.
“When you create a problem, you create pain. All it takes is a simple choice, a simple decision: no matter what happens, I will create no more pain for myself. I will create no more problems. Although it is a simple choice, it is also very radical. You won’t make that choice unless you are truly fed up with suffering, unless you have truly had enough. And you won’t be able to go through with it unless you access the power of the Now. If you create no more pain for yourself, then you create no more pain for others. You also no longer contaminate the beautiful Earth, your inner space, and the collective human psyche with the negativity of problem-making.”
| — | Eckhart Tolle |
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