It is a challenge to change the way we live or think or act. Years of conditioning to feel a certain way do not melt away easily. But, sometimes their is a voice that lies within us that is a whisper at first and it grows in volume as you subconsciously hear its message and begin to listen. Much like the voice of a child speaking wisdom in a room full of adults, that voice is often overlooked. It is too hard to hear and may sound silly. If you listen, though, you will hear wisdom.
The voice is telling you to change and offers paths and ideas and motivation towards a better version of you. In my case, this voice has been there for a long time. But, like an adult too often treats the child, I smiled and went back to the way I was going. I listened, and unfortunately still do, to the old, familiar voice that had led me for so long.
It is a great challenge to redirect out attention to something new and to then follow it. We are comfortable in our easy chairs no matter how much we hear about the benefits of exercise. There is ease in following the familiar path no matter how much it hurts our feet. Pain becomes numbed. I remember thinking for so long that we should suffer for our happiness otherwise it means nothing. I don't know where I got that from. I tend to think that religion planted that seed, but maybe not. But if we are suffering, how can we be happy?
My "child's voice" has been telling me about Buddhism and meditation and yoga for quite a few years. Since I tend to be lazy and a creature of habit, I have never really done much about it. Within the last 6 months or so, however, I have started listening. Books have come into my life, I found tumblr where there is a huge community of people in the same kind of place I am and people who offer insight to get to a better place, and I have begun to find ways to do yoga. It is a strange thing when you start to hear that voice and begin to really listen.
When I am practicing this "new" stuff for a while, I find a greater sense of happiness and peace with myself. Because of this, I have to believe that I already know what to do. I just have a hard time consistently doing it. I get swallowed up in the old familiar ways that are so ingrained I don't have to think about them anymore. Changing myself is hard. Not changing is easy, more or less. Not changing is also the road to nowhere.
A difficulty, for me anyway, is to keep that voice from getting lost amidst the din of all the old voices. They are like addicts for your attention. When you turn away for the sound of a different voice, they scream louder and louder and louder to get you to come back to them. It is a challenge to silence them and return the focus to better things. It is a challenge to keep that child's voice from getting lost again. It is even more challenging to get it back when you lose it because those old, familiar sounds are louder each time you come back.
One thing that I have learned is to identify the things you are doing so you know why you do them. I struggle with anxiety and paranoia when it comes to relationships. I tend to struggle more when I am tired. My walls are weak and the smallest things can push me over the edge and once I start falling, it is slogging through waist deep mud to find the shore. So I know that I need to sleep more. This is a very simplified example, I suppose, but you get the point. When you listen to yourself, you will see that you have answers already. The next step is to keep yourself from over thinking those answers........
No comments:
Post a Comment