Shrugging Off Burdens

The realization that dawned upon me today is that I have found my happiness again.  It has taken some time, but just like everyone told me it would, it got better.  The lightness to my thoughts, the smile I sometimes find upon my face, the colors in the world again are all brilliant.  It would be a lie to say that there aren't moments or flashes of the sadder spectrum of emotion.  I don't think that the eradication of those is as simple as just hoping they go away.  The work to move them out from center stage has been started, and though they sit on the wings, they no longer have a starring role. 
It feels good. 
It's funny the places we realize things, sometimes.  It was while listening to Banana Pancakes and I remembered my ex-wife liked that song and she had her own version of the chorus.  I smiled.  My heart didn't fall into the pit that was so prevalent for far too long.  My day is not ruined.  The memory is a fond one.  I guess that means I am moving on, finally. 
It feels good.
I can't pretend that I wouldn't change the way things happened, but I have been brought to this place and I feel good.  It is something I haven't felt in a very long while.  Even before I was married.  I look back from the edge of this green, flowered field spread out before me and I can see the desert I was wandering.  I can see the footprints still dark in the dust that lead from where I was.  I wonder if the journeys we take are our choice or if they are planned out for us, to show us something.  Or do we truly make our own paths and face the riddles that life gives us the best we can, hopefully learning something?  I don't know.  I don't know that I even care all that much.  There is little chance of that revelation occurring in my lifetime and there are so many other things to occupy my erratically dancing mind that dwelling on that mystery would do little save slowing me down. 
I had a talk with my mom a few days ago and I said something that I have found myself saying quite often as of late. 
Once you have had a moment, it is already gone. 
There is no way to change the moments of the past and there is little we can do to predict the ones on the road ahead of us.  Those in the past have made their mark and are as easy to hold on to as a pleasant breeze.  Those in the future have yet to be made.  The moments we have in our grasp, no matter how short they last, those are the ones that matter.  I am doing my best to embrace my own tidbit of wisdom, if that is what it is.  In doing this I feel like I have taken a load from my shoulders and set it down.  I can see it sitting in the road behind me, too heavy to blow away which makes me wonder at the impact it must have had on my daily psyche. 
I don't delude myself into believing that every moment that is coming will be full of sunshine.  But when I look at those moments as chances to challenge myself and to grow, they don't seem so daunting.  So, I let them go.  I don't even know what they are yet.  Why worry about them? 

I am still a child.  I still have a lot to learn and don't pretend that I know anything, not anymore.  If anything that I have said here were to be proven untrue, I would rethink it and try again.  The beauty of being a child is that the idea of things being permanent or absolute is not written in stone yet.  I like being a child in this way.