The Happiness Balloon

I tie my happiness to others too easily.  This is a dangerous practice because giving that to others takes it out of my control.  I also tend to trust immediately and am blinded to the "negative" side of people.  This combination is a recipe for disaster.  My heart brain yells at me all the time, but unfortunately, my heart yells louder.
I don't dislike that I trust or that I tend to see the positive in people.  I am happy with this.  I feel like those are good things that have survived a time when trust became an issue.  I am a bit withholding when it comes to more than friendship, but my initial gut reaction is to trust.  I don't mind this even if it does cause me some anxiety.  What I feel that I need to avoid doing is giving my happiness away.
I don't know why I tend to treat my happiness like a balloon that I tie to a child's wrist.  Any parent knows that the balloon will eventually be seen flying in the air waiting to get caught on a tree or power line, no matter how much the kid says they will keep it close.  I believe that most people are like that child.  They don't want to hurt anyone.  They won't take the balloon and put a pin in it.  There are some, but they are few thankfully.  It is so important that we are happy first and that we don't give this happiness to others to control.
Reading that, I feel like it sounds like I am saying that we shouldn't share our happiness.  I am not saying that at all.  What I am saying is that we must be happy with ourselves, by ourselves.  If we are not, no one else will ever be able to make us happy because, like us, they are also trying to find their happiness and the two may not coincide.  Helping others to be happy is wonderful.  But you can not make them happy any more than they can make you happy.  Right?

I read all of that and I see moments where I am sure and moments where I am confused.  This post is like a dumping of ideas and I am trying to sort it out.
I don't believe that others can make us happy.  They can bring happy times and laughter and joy and friendship and all that good stuff, but they can't make us happy.  I can't remember the number of times that I would be at a party with good friends having fun and I would be wrapped up in my head and my insecurities.  None of those people could make me happy.  I had to choose it.  In this same way, we can not make others happy, we can only be there to provide some light and some good times.

This is all a struggle for me because it is an old habit, one that I am trying to break.  I have started by doing things that I can be proud of so that I can look at myself and say, "hey, you are an alright dude."  I am also reading and trying to find answers.  I have chosen to add the challenge of a woman in my life, but that is not a bad thing.  It is just that, a challenge.  I am trying to share my balloon with her, but not tie it to her wrist.  I hope that this path, this method, will help me.  My heart and my brain are saying that it will.  At least they aren't fighting.

http://bodhisattvaextraordinaire.tumblr.com/post/16057508995/happiness-taken-with-instagram