Depending on Memory

Often, when you read about Buddhism, you read about letting go.  I have written about this before and will again, I am sure.  I tend to struggle quite a bit with this.  I found a quote about letting go:

If you let go a little you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace.
— Ajahn Cha  (http://we-are-meant-to-thrive.tumblr.com/)

And it sparked that thought again.  How do we let go?  In the case above, it is not just about letting go of the past, but about letting go of the present even as it passes us by.  When we hold on to anything, we are bringing about suffering.  I think that is part of it.  It also comes back to the idea of being water.  Water does not hold on to anything.  When it is there is embraces it fully, but when it goes the water lets it go.  This helps bring peace of mind because peace comes from living in the moment.  

Think about a time that was wonderful.  For me, I often think about the house I grew up in and playing in the yard and running in the field behind the house with friends.  That memory is amazing and powerful and happy and full of joy for me.  Now hold on to your memory with all you have.  Do not let it go and relive it over and over again.  When things are going badly, relive it.  When things are good, relive it.
I used to do this and it was bad news.  I used to think back to good times more often than I would look at the good times I was having.  In this way, positive memories became a crutch and in turn a drug.  That drug held me back from enjoying what I was living in.  I was dependent on memories to define where I was.  I relied on the past for a clue about the present.  It's confusing just reading it.  
It is the same with negative memories.  We hold on to them and they too become a crutch.  They become a crutch of comfort in sadness.  Too often we allow ourselves to become lost in the familiarity of being miserable that it seems like that way of living is good.  We become so accustomed to feeling pain that a lack of pain feels like we are missing something.  And we are. 
I lived this way for a long time, I think.  I still do, in some ways.  It is a difficult thing to move past, but once you see that you are doing it you can begin to change the way you think.  You can stop and say, “dude, knock it off.”  That little thing is a huge help down a road to letting stuff go.  

I don’t believe that there is benefit to forgetting or ignoring the past or memories.  They have made us what we are, but to hold on to them and to relive them is not good.  I feel like a lot of this blog was very assured and matter of fact, but this belies where I really am with this stream of thought.  I am still working my mind around this.  I am still trying to figure out how to just let go.  I don’t hold on to it for too long, however.  I look at it, investigate and ponder and when it is time to move on, I do.  I like that.  It comes back when there is something new to see or think about, but it doesn’t stick around too long.