Melancholy and Nostalgia

I am prone to bouts of melancholy and nostalgia.
I think of everything that I should have thought of when I should have thought of it. 
I think of it when it is all too late.  I think of it when it is all slipping away.  Even though I know in that little part of me that knows all things that what it was and where I was was not where I was supposed to be or where I was happy I miss things.  I miss ten years of experience.  I miss the things that I was blind to when I could do something about it. 
I feel that tingly burning thing in the corners of my eyes.  I see the moments.  I put them away for a while. 

I know it was my doing.  I know I can't change it.  I still can't help feeling what I feel. 

Suffering is perception. 
Make these moments of regret and sadness moments of learning and experience, a chance to grow and show the real self - to clear the muddy waters. 
I will still hurt though.  For a while. 
I will miss her and will never forget.
And someday when I am really sad about walking I will try to remember her just the way she looked that night and smile at what it was and not what it became.

She is leaving soon. 
I am a mix of emotion. 
The silt is stirring and swirling. 
I will be okay, so they tell me. 
Time needs to get a wiggle on.