And so it goes without saying that I was dumb.....but not as dumb as I thought.
Perhaps it is intuition or some psychic bullshit....but I was not wrong. There was something going on. It just wasn't quite what I thought. She was having some of her own drama that did not really involve me.
I just made it involve me in my own stupid head.
My problem, if you want to call it that, is that when I like someone I will dive in head first and put it all out there. This is an issue because when I do this the relationship does not go well in the end.
I am doing it again. I have to back off, I just don't know how.
I really like this girl and I think she likes me but I think she is in a weird place. Timing seems to be the be all and end all of relationship failure rates.
And so I am going to try and back off a little.
Mostly for my own sanity.
My number one rule, when I was whoring around some years ago, was to never give too much to a girl because then they wouldn't want you. They want what they can't have. They want to fix you. If I put myself out there for her, she will not want it. It will be too much.
But now this seems like a game.
I have no interest in games.
If you like me, like me. If you don't, don't and stop wasting my time.
I really don't know.
I really like this girl and that means she has the power to hurt me. That scares me.
I need to take it slow. I just don't know how. I don't know how to move slowly and take my time developing a relationship.
Maybe it's time to learn.
But no games.
Fuck games.
I'm too old for that.
I just hope something works out with her. I really do.
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