A Nocturnal Reprieve

I don't really know what to say. 
I am a bit drunk and thinking that I should write something. 

I find it hard to believe that anyone reads this drivel. 
The thoughts of a lonely dude can hardly be interesting, yet someone is reading this stuff.

I wonder if karmic retribution is done with me yet. 
Every time I turn around I feel like something else is fucked up and I think "hey, you brought this on buddy."  So how can I complain.  The hole that I feel in my chest has to be nothing compared to what my ex wife feels, yet I feel it.  I can't not feel it.  Though I try.
And I wonder how long it will last.
I am not as young as I was and things are all different now.  The last time I had this lonely state of mind I would just sleep with some girl and feel a little better.  But girls at 24 are different than girls at 34.  They don't seem to share the same state of mind.  So, I am forced to grow up just to stay in touch with the world around me.  No shit, right?  I haven't really seen it until now.  I haven't really felt my age until now. 

So what do I do? 
My heart hurts
My back hurts
I hurt.

I am tired of hurting.
She was the promise of something and now she is gone. 
I don't know how to deal with that. 

I could use some help, but don't know who to ask or how to ask for it. 
"Hey, I knew some girl for a few weeks and now she doesn't want me but I hurts so bad I can't sleep." 
what do I do with that? 

Why can't I stop bitching?
This is all what I wanted, right? 
To be alone and do what I want. That's what I wanted. 
Well, now I have it. 
Yippeeeeee.

At yoga tonight, the instructor talked about how happiness is in us.  We are the only ones who can decide to feel happy.  I am trying.  I am trying to live in the moment, but at this moment I am not happy. 

I will just try to sleep. 
Sleeping is a nice reprieve.