Patience in Love

Is there a one true love for each of us?
Out of the billions of people on the planet, is it possible that there is one person that makes us whole? 

Hypothetically speaking, if there is one person that can make the sun set and the stars bright - what is the chance that we would ever meet that person?  There have been a few times when I thought that I had found that person.  There was a feeling in the center of me that knew this person was someone I should be with.  In those moments of chemically induced bliss (which is what love is on a physical level) I believed in one true love.  I was also much younger, for most of them.  Youth has the benefit of naivete.  With age, I think a certain cynicism grows, fed by events in our lives that remind us that life is not all sunflowers.  Love is not all gushing sentiment.

When I got married, I loved my wife.  I still do, though she is my ex-wife.  She is a strong and talented woman with drive and ambition.  She is beautiful with these amazing blue eyes.   I do miss the blue eyes and the moments of real intimacy between us, which were few.  I fell in love with her strength and individuality.  I loved her ability to bring out the carefree in everyone she met. 
When we talked about marriage, it seemed like the right thing to do.  I wanted to be with her and she wanted to be with me.  With her living in England, it was what we needed to do to be together.  I don't know that she was ever a true love for me.  If she had been, wouldn't I have been ready to put everything on the line to work things out between us?  We had begun to grow apart and neither of us wanted to talk about it until it was too late (if it was in fact too late).  I didn't feel that connection with her that I now believe is so important.  At that time, I thought what was missing was a fire, a passion that burned inside me to be with her.  After ten years of knowing each other, that passion had begun to burn down.  This is normal.  This is what happens. 
Passion takes on a new face.  It turns into love.  Real love.  The kind that makes you want to wake up next to that person every day.  The kind that makes you want to deal with the little things about them that piss you off.  Love is what happens after the blossoms have fallen from the tree and you still see its beauty.  Love is not being able to imagine your life without that person. 
I didn't feel that.

After I left my wife, I thought I had found what I was looking for.  Maybe I did, for that time.  We all know how that turned out. 
It was a fire that burned too intensely.  I was consumed by it.  I am pretty sure she was too.  It nearly destroyed both of us.  Perhaps it was bad timing.  Perhaps it was just what it was.  A blaze that burned away years of denial and scarring and opened up the holes that I had worked so hard to close.  The holes opened by past loves.  The holes that I stuffed with the emotions that I should have been dealing with.  She opened all of those and my life came flooding back.  A tidal wave that smothered the fire.  I wasn't ready for it.  How could I be? 
In the end, it needed to happen for me.  I hate that it happened like it did, but I am a stubborn ass and have a hard time seeing things that I don't want to see.  I am dealing with all of it, though.  I feel better, perhaps because of it.  I have learned things that I would never have learned otherwise.  I have seen sides of myself that I had never seen.  I have grown.  The waste left by the blaze has made room for something new. 
I can thank her for that.  I know that I don't need that anymore.  That burning passion that feels like your chest will explode and your heart could stop beating yet you would live and breathe off of what this person is to you.  I know that when I find someone that brings that to my life, I will recognize it for what it is.  The force that brings people together so that they can find the love that really can exist.

Love might not be the inability to keep your hands off of each other.  Maybe it's the need to see that person in your life.  Maybe it's both. 

I don't believe in one person for everyone.  I believe in love for everyone.  We will have people in and out of our lives that will bring that in many forms.  I guess the hard part is finding a person that gives you the love you need.  In moments of loneliness, I will hold on to that thought.  Patience in love may be one of life's greatest tests.