I really hate myself right now. It's after 3 and I can't sleep because my stupid brain is racing. I keep seeing conversations with this girl. She keeps telling me she is back with her ex. I keep running all these scenarios about her. It is so irrational of me. I don't talk to her for one day. Why do I have to talk to her everyday? What the hell is wrong with me? I have his feeling in my gut that something has happened, but I don't know what it is. I think it is this not knowing that is fucking me up. When did I become so fucking insecure?
I think I know the answer to that.
Now I have to wait to find out if there is, in fact, anything to be not sleeping for. I may be back here in the afternoon cursing myself for being such an idiot because nothing was wrong.
I feel like a crazy person.
What if she is thinking that I did something? What if her not talking to me is due to her own insecurities and I am thinking it is because something happened with her and she is thinking that something has happened with me and this whole night of not sleeping is full of shit?
This is how my mind works!
I want to take it out and set it down so I can stop being so irrational and ridiculous. This is stupid. And so what if something did happen and she doesn't want to see me? Why does that have to ruin anything?
Because I like her.
Because I set hopes too early. I always fall hard and quick.
I am not saying that I am in love or anything, but the idea is the same.
This is dumb.
My mind is dumb.
I am going to try and sleep.
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