My Straw House

I fall hard and fast
It's like my heart is waiting to be taken, yet once it's taken it only wants to be free.
And once it's free it only wants to be taken.

Right now, it only wants to stop hurting.
It's not that I want a relationship, it's that I want her.
It's not often you meet someone that makes you want to be a better person.  Every word and look and touch and smell and move make you want to be more.  She makes it seem like all of the shit that piles up around you isn't so bad.  It's rare to meet a woman like this. 

It is also unfortunate.
It is unfortunate because when she flies away you are left with a whisper of her in your ear.  You don't sleep because you dream of her and she is not there.  She has become the dream once again.  And every night you dream of her, the hole in your heart gets a little bigger.  What can fill it but her?  Not even time. 

Those from your past, the ones that inspired you and made you crave so much more are still scars on the promise of something.  It seems like it would be better to just shut it all down and set up the gates once again.  To make the meaningless a goal so that the dream will just go away. 

Dreams hurt. 

What can be said about the incredible effect that she had on me.  I knew her for such a short time, yet she is more than a ripple.  She is the tidal wave that shattered my walls only to leave me defenseless for when she went away.  The loneliness seems so much bigger now.  Yet, I knew it was going to happen.  I could feel it.  The problem was that she didn't feel it.  She didn't want it. Now it's gone.

I live, once again, in the loneliness that I have built.