How to Stop?

Drunk posting is a bad idea. 
But I sit here, about to post a drunk blog. 

She was promise, this new girl.  She was a promise of something real and powerful. 
She is gone from me. She doesn't want me.  She speaks words of promise and then acts the opposite.  My heart aches too much.  I can't help but believe that it wouldn't hurt so much if things weren't as they were. . I cry a lot.  I can't help it. 
You know who asked if I had found my happiness.  I haven"t.  If anything I feel more alone now than I ever have.  I am drinking, alone, in my apartment, feeling like nobody cares.  Is this a bad thing?  Yes it is.  But I don't know how to deal with this.  I don't know what to do.  The cavity in my chest is a ruling force in my life.
I had volleyball tonight and the new girl was there.  She spoke with me.  But I knew.  My gut told me.  She is out.  Maybe I am too old for her.  Maybe she just isn't in to me.  Maybe the timing is wrong.  Maybe karma is giving me a big fuck you. Maybe fucking maybe. 

Maybe I should just get it in to my head that the ones that I want are not the ones that I can have.  Maybe I should fucking realize this.  Maybe I should just focus on this beer and realize that a person gets what they deserve and you have to play the cards you are dealt.
Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself. 

How to stop.  How to stop.  How to stop.

If anyone is reading this, accept my aplogies for the pathetic state in which I now reside.  Honestly, I am not always this much of a whiny bitch, evidence aside.